


My contribution to Snapetober 2020

by MelindaGhost



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Animagus Harry Potter, Azkaban, Baby Harry Potter, Dad Snape, Emotional Severus Snape, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluffiness, Gen, Getting Together, Healer Harry Potter, Humour, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Pre-Slash, Professor Harry, Sick Fic, Spanking, Student Harry, Touch starved Severus Snape, Vampire Harry Potter, Whumptober, animagus fic, individual one shots, not all of these are romantic - Freeform, rating for themes, some possible angst, some severitus, some snarry, sxvxrxssnape's Snapetober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:26:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 18,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26792854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelindaGhost/pseuds/MelindaGhost
Summary: This is a collection of my contributions to this years Snapetober. The prompt list was created by tumblr user sxvxrxssnape. Each chapter is a standalone.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Comments: 47
Kudos: 167
Collections: Snapetober





	1. Day 1: Insomnia

**Author's Note:**

> You can find the prompt list [here](https://sxvxrxssnape.tumblr.com/post/630288949863120896/snapetober-2020)

Most people would call it insomnia, but that would imply that I lacked the ability to fall asleep. I am in fact perfectly physically and mentally able to fall asleep. What I am lackign is the time.   
When one spends half of their day teaching hormonal teenagers how to brew and the other half either brewing for the infirmary, spying on a Defence teacher who is clearly up to no good and trying to keep one Harry Potter out of harms way there is very little time left in the day. 

Hence why I found myself drooling onto my desktop, only being awoken by a timid knock on my door. I quickly glanced at my clock and recalled that the Potter brat is due for detention. I straighten myself and call for him to enter. He is his usual defensive and arrogant self as he cleans cauldrons while I correct some very poorly written essays.  
At some point during the hour my eyes had falled closed again and when I opened them next the paper on my desk was sporting a sizeable red ink splosh and curious green eyes were watching me. There were at least three more cauldrons sparkling clean than the last time I had looked up. I sighed quietly.

“That is enough for today, Mr. Potter. You are free to return to your dorm.” His eyes widened in surpirse before he hastily got up as to leave me no time to reconsider. At the door, however, he hesitated a second, turned around and softly said “Goodnight, Professor Snape.” 

It was a testiment to how tired I was that I only wished him a good night in return.


	2. Day 2: poisoned

Harry had visited Hagrid alone this time. Hermione and Ron were too busy ignoring each other to take much notice of anything or anybody else and Harry had decided he needed a break from them. So he spend the afternoon at Hagrid's and strolled the edge of the forbidden forest afterwards, enjoying the for once not strained silence around him. 

Just as it was nearly time to go back to the castle – it was getting quite cold and there was only so much Harry's warming charm could do – Harry suddenly heard a dull thump followed by a human sounding whimper. Wand in hand, he edged closer to the forest, trying to make out what or who made those noises and whether it was a foe or a friend. What he did find made Harry drop his wand in shock. Professor Snape was laying at his feet, shaking horribly, hand cluthcing what must have been a portkey and frothing at the mouth. Dark eyes looked at him pleadingly and Harry dropped to his knees. 

Snape watched him as Harry rummaged in his own cloak pocket, heaved Severus into a half sitting position and shoved whatever he had found in his pocket into Snape's mouth. Even when poisoned by the Dark Lord himself, Severus Snape had enough of his snark left to think of Harry as incredibly stupid for thinking that any type of candy he could have just pulled out of his pocket like that would nullify the poison inside of Snape. Had he been physically able to, he would have voiced his thoughts with pleasure, but as it was he had accepted that he was going to die right there an then, in the saviours arms on the edge of the forest. He closed his eyes and felt his body calming, stopping it's incessant shaking and he readied himself for the feeling of nothingness he expected from death. Instead he felt a hand lightly slapping his cheek and heard Potter's voice saying “Come on, Professor, open your eyes.” 

It took Severus a good 10 to 20 seconds to realise he had not actually died and gone to hell where he was condemned to be with Potter for the rest of eternity and with a jolt he sat up ramrod straight and turned around to face Harry. “What did you do, Potter?”, his voice was laden with suspicion.

“Oh, good, it really is you, Professor. I was slightly worried you were just someone trying to smuggle their way into the school with polyjuice.” Harry answered flippantly. He had just saved the man's life and felt that the least his teacher could to is be nice to him in return. But Snape just continued to stare at him until he finally gave in and explained. “Since Ron fell victim to Slughorn's poisoned wine I carry a bezoar with me wherever I go. I - read that it cures most poisons in my potions book.” Suddenly the boy looked sheepish.

“And am I to assume that it was one of my own bezoars that saved my life?” 

“Yes, sir”

“Then let us just be thankful that you have experience with stealing my potions ingredients.”

Snape got up and turned to leave, but not without throwing a “And Mr. Potter, you might want to try paying attention in class, then you don't have to resort to my old notes to teach you anything useful.” over his shoulder. He left a thoroughly perplexed Harry behind. If Severus felt extremely glad that he had not insisted the boy return his book after Potter's run in with Malfoy, the only way he allowed himself to show it, was to borrow a school owl and let it send a small box filled with a couple of bezoars to one Gryffindor boy hero that very same evening. Neither of them ever spoke about this again.


	3. Day 3: tortured

I laugh now whenever I remember that I used to think teaching Harry Potter was torture. Back then I could not have foreseen that I would ever long for his presence and resent myself for it, or resented him for what he does to me.

It had been a blissful 7 years at Hogwarts after his graduation. There was no Potter to roam the halls at night and cause trouble wherever he went. Hogwarts was quiet. It might have been a little unfair to blame his sole existence for all of the chaos that had enveloped Hogwarts in his time, but I'm sure he had been responsible for at least a good 70% of what had happened.

Now, however, he was back. A fully trained Defence Professor who taught as much about Dementors and Kelpies, as he stole all of the students little hearts. Hell, he is stealing all of our hearts. I should have a stern talk with whomever it was who had thought it a good idea to hire him; to subject the castle, and all of it's residence, to his presence again. I looked around the room. Most of the portraits were asleep, but Albus' damned twinkling eyes were staring at me from the wall, as if he was daring me to complain about my predicament so that he would get the satisfaction of telling me it was my own fault. I sighed and wished, for probably the hundredth time, that I was not the headmaster of Hogwarts.

*** 

It should be illegal for straight men to be this attractive. I have not had a single clear thought since Potter entered the, for the duelling club rearranged, Great Hall. This would not be an issue for a lot of people, Potter included, since they already seemed to not be thinking straight most of the time, but for me this was bad. Torture, even. 

All of my life other people had control over me. I was never free. Whether it was my drunkard of a father, or the Dark Lord, or Dumbledore, someone always had upper hand on me. The only thing that always been under my control was my mind. But now? This silly infatuation was all it took for that control to crumble into pieces.

And I was succumbing to it, powerless, with no way of stopping it. Whenever Harry came to me with an idea or a suggestion, I agreed. I even volunteered my help when he had brought up the duelling club. I scheduled the Hogsmeade supervisions so that I would end up at his side on every opportunity I had. When I knew Harry was on night patrol I would make sure we would cross paths.

I really had no one to blame but myself.


	4. Day 4: exhaustion

Go to sleep. Get up. Pee. Go to sleep. Get up. Check on crying baby. Go to sleep. Get up. Feed baby. Go to sleep. Get up. Pee and check on crying baby.

This had been Severus Snape's nightly ritual for the past week. Harry had gotten a fever and stopped sleeping through most of the night. Severus handled it as best as he could and while he had an astoundingly large amount of patience for the small child, his students irritated him more than ever. Where there was a quick fuse on his best days there was now none at all. The explosion came instantly. 

The students quickly learned that while their professor was more of a zombie awake, but barely, Filch was always available to survey detentions, creepily reminiscing about the days they apparently hang misbehaving students from their thumbs. 

One Day during the third year Ravenclaw – Gryffindor class, a little Ravenclaw girl whispered to her friend “I wish he would just sleep for the through the whole lesson”, not realising that he could hear her.

“Miss Lee”, he started. His voice was dangerously low, a usual telltale sign that what followed would haunt the students for at least the rest of the day. Instead he just sighed and admitted, “I wish for the same thing. 10 points to Ravenclaw, class dismissed.” He did not even wait until everyone had left until he made for his chambers and passed out on the sofa.


	5. Day 5: sick/fever

It had started right as the woke up; his head felt fuzzy and his limbs heavy. Nevertheless, he extricated himself from his husbands arms and got up to shower and get ready for the day. In the shower there were two moments when he had to hold on to the curtain rod, so as not to fall and when he finally got out he stumbled to the toilet and sat down trying to regain his vision and stop the dizziness. 

It was really pretty obvious that something was amiss, but Severus would not be Severus if he was not determined to see the day through anyway. His stubbornness was one of his few Gryffindor traits, they often thought themselves invincible.

It took him longer than normal to get dressed, which was why Harry was already awake when he re-entered their bedroom. Sleepy eyes looked up at him. 

“Morning. Am I going to get a good morning kiss?”. 

Severus mouth formed itself into a smug little half smile. His ego was still boosted by the fact that Harry Potter had chosen him of all people. With somewhat wobbly legs Severus made his way to the bed, stumbling and crashing his knee against the frame of the bed. “Fuck!” Harry sat up and pulled Severus down on the bed with him. 

“Is everything okay, Sev?” Harry asked in a suspicious voice. 

Severus just looked at him and sighed. “Yes, I am perfectly fine. I simply must have not slept for a sufficiently long time.”

Harry snorted, he knew that his favourite dungeon bat never got enough sleep.

“It's still early. We could skip breakfast and get an extra hour of rest,” Harry suggested, knowing fully well he was going to get a negative response, but trying anyway.

Severus, however, did not seem to even hear him. His eyes had become unfocused and glassy. Healer instincts kicking in, Harry immediately reached for his wand and ran some diagnostic spells.

Severus came back to it a while later as Harry was dabbing at his forehead with a cool cloth. Groaning he tried to sit up, but Harry would have none of it.  
“You stay right there, Mister! I'm going to get you a glass of water and tell Dobby to come by later with some nice hot soup. Don't try and get up, I don't need you falling flat on on your nose.”  
Severus huffed, but settled back into the mattress. It was then that he noticed he was dressed in his nightshirt again. 

When Harry came back and lifted him into a half sitting position so he could take a few sips of water, Severus growled. “I'm not an invalid, Potter.” The coughing fit that followed the statement did nothing to back him up on it. 

Harry looked at him with an amused expression. “That's Healer Potter Snape for you, my dear. And I can get third degree burns from brushing against your skin alone, so you will have to let me take care of you today.”

“What about the infirmary?”

“I have already flooed to let Poppy know she will have to manage without me today and mInerva has informed me that she is going to fire us both if I let you get out of bed.”

That earned Harry a weak chuckle. “Oh please, she would come begging us to take our jobs back before the week was up.”

“Probably,” Harry grinned, “but you should really sleep some more now. I'll wake you up when it's time for some soup.”

“Fine”, Severus croaked and closed his eyes. He felt a cool pair of lips on his forehead and a hand brushing through his hair before he fell back asleep.


	6. Day 6: dementors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this one is a sad one <.<

He had not remembered the dementors to be this – intense when they had been stationed at Hogwarts. Perhaps that was because they had seemed to be focused on Potter. He feels guilty now that he had not helped him deal with that. He feels guilty for a lot of things. Swallowing all of his happiness, which should on all accounts have not left a whole this big, his guilt had nothing left to hide behind.

By his second day in Azkaban, Severus Snape had already lost all feeling of time. He didn't even know if it was day or night time. Here it was always dark.

Potter visits occasionally. He wants to fight to get Severus out, going on and on about how it was unfair he was even brought to Azkaban, but Severus does not listen to him. He just sits on his thin mattress, arms wrapped around his knees, rocking back and forth. Shivering in his thin, dirty nightshirt and not showing any signs of recognising what is happening outside of his own head where he is kept busy reliving all of his absolute worst memories.


	7. Day 7: nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for mention of sexual abuse and violence/death. But don't worry, Sev will be fine in the end

Tobias Snape loved only one thing more than the bottle and that was letting his drunken rage out on his freak family. This time his fists weren't enough. He got his belt out. Severus was trying to dodge the licks, but he fell and before he could get back up, his father was on him, holding him down and beating him unconscious

Then he felt very lights, all of his blood was rushing to his head. He was hanging upside down. James Potter and his cronies were laughing. Lily looked at him with a wicked gleam in her eyes, Potters arm hang around her neck, pulling her closer to his side. “Thanks for pushing her into my arms, Snivelly. Now let's punish you for calling her a “mudblood”, shall we? Who wants to see me take of Snivellus pants?” The crowd that had gathered cheered. “Let's see if he is trying to compensate for something.” Severus felt his pants rising in to the air. He was still hanging upside down, desperately trying to hold onto them. He failed. The laughter rings in his ears.

Severus is standing in Godrics Hollow. He walks along the street towards the Potters' house. James is no challenge at all, his hate towards the man fuels his Avada. It is Lily who is tricky. She used to be his best friend and he loved her like a sister, clung to her like a drowning boy. In the end it was the betrayal of her forgiving James' thousand offenses against them both, while holding his over his head for all of these years that gave him the temporary strength to kill her. He regretted it instantly.

He slithered his way over the table, hissing in joyful anticipation of a big and scrumptious meal. His master hisses his approval and he strikes, ignoring the woman's pleading eyes. They were never friends.

“Severus, please”. There would have been another way. Severus knew that there had to be, but did he care? He has killed so many people along the was, was one more going to make a difference? “Avada Kedavra”. He watched calmly as Dumbeldore fell into the darkness.

Harry Potter is chasing him. “You are a coward!”. He turns around abruptly, his eyes a glowing red. “Really, Potter? Do you want to kill me? Do it. I dare you.” Potter freezes. “Something isn't right.”, Severus hears him mutter. His nose is gone and instead there are two slits adorning his face. “Correct, Potter.” The green flows from his wand without him having to say the words. He huffs at the dead body in disdain. “You were nothing but a pig they raised for slaughter.”

Severus wakes with a jolt, his throat is raw and he knows he has been screaming. Warm hands are rubbing his sweaty back in soothing circles and a head comes up to rest on his shoulder. “You were screaming my name. It's okay, I am okay. We are both okay, Severus. It was just a dream.” Warm lips kiss the scars on his neck. His breathing is still accelerated and he feels the cold horror from his nightmare deep in his bones, but leaning into the warmth of his partner Severus knows that he is going to be alright.


	8. Day 8: secret injury

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one turned out longer than I anticipated. Hope you enjoy :)

He had just vanished the spills from his experimental potion when there was a knock on his door. "Enter", Severus called schooling his features into a neutral expression and hiding the pain he felt. Potter entered. "I'm sorry to disturb you, Professor, but Poppy has just informed me that we need a bunch of new potions for the infirmary. I've got a list right here." He said, crossing the lab in a few strides and handing it over to Severus. Severus reached for it and flinched slightly. He thanked the heavens for his self control, Potter hopefully had not noticed anything amiss. 

Severus glanced over the potions listed and nodded once. "I have most of them ready, the rest should not take long. I will bring them up once they are done." But Potter being Potter was determined to not make things that easy for him. “That would be great, except that we really need those potions as soon as possible.” Potter said, pushing up the sleeves of his shirt. “I learned a few things about potions in my healer training. I thought I could help you, it would make this a lot quicker.” 

Severus could not believe Potter's gall and his shoulder was burning and distracting him, but he was determined not to draw any attention to it. He did not need Potter laughing at him for making a cauldron explode and he certainly did not need him prying for information on what it was he was trying to create. The muscles on his left arm contracted at the thought. “If you had bothered to pay attention while you were a student here, you would have known how to brew all of these potions before you even started your training at St. Mungos.” It was quite insulting to insinuate they could have taught him better than one of the best potions masters in the country. 

Potter having recognised his bruised ego in the tone of the other man's voice rushed to reassure him that he was sure Severus could teach far more in a single year than the trainee's program could in five. “You are the best in all of Britain for a reason.” Potter's smile was nearly blinding and Severus wondered what would hurt more at the end of this whole situation; his burned shoulder or his head. Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fine. Make yourself useful and fetch the ingredients. We will start with the cure for the common cold.”

They settled into a easy rhythm; Potter prepared the ingredients – he only had to be corrected on how to properly dice dragon liver once – while Snape added them at the right time, stirred when needed and kept the temperature on the required level. Most of the time was spent in companionable silence and Severus was so busy contemplating why it did not bother him that Potter had invaded his lab so casually, that it even stopped him from noticing his shoulder too much.

When the first batch was nearly done, Potter suddenly burst out: “I cannot look at you like this for any longer.” Severus was quite taken aback by both the sudden volume in the room, which had previously only been filled with the sounds of cutting and bubbling, and the obvious insult of the unexpected statement. He knew, of course, that he was not the most attractive person, but it had been quite some time since someone had actually voiced it to him and it had been Potter who had insisted on spending his time here which only made it more confusing. Was he regretting it because he thought Severus too ugly when in close proximity for more than a certain amount of time?

“If you find my appearance this appalling you should refrain from inviting yourself into my lab in the future. You may leave now, tell Poppy she will have the potions delivered in three hours time.” Potter looked confused for a few seconds until his brain caught up with what it was that he had said and the possible implication of his finding Severus repugnant. “I'm sorry. I did not mean it like that.”, he said, shaking his head for emphasis, “I meant that I can tell something is wrong and I want to help you.” Severus scoffed. “I fail to see how you would recognise if something was off with me.” Harry smiled his blinding smile again. “I have known you for quite some time now and have had ample opportunity to watch you brew. You are always so elegant in your movements, but today you are acting as if it pained you to move at all. Granted you are trying very hard to cover it up and I doubt anyone else would have noticed. Tell me what's wrong? I am a healer after all.”

Severus stayed quiet for some time, contemplating whether he should pretend Potter is imagining things, or simply give in and let the man have a look at his shoulder. Figuring Potter would just call Poppy and insist on him being treated for whatever ailment they thought he might have should he dodge the investigation completely, he decided on a middle ground. “I am fine, Potter, I assure you. I can barely feel it at all. I am going to simply apply a bit of salve later on and it will not even be sore tomorrow.”

Severus' attempt at a reassuring smile only manifested Potter's suspicions of him being in great pain and rushing to dissuade Potter from offering any more of his professional medical help, Severus continued. “It was just an experimental Poti-” But he got no further than that, before Harry practically pounced on him and started to divest him of his robe. “Severus Snape, you are a stubborn idiot! This potion could have serious side effects and you are just standing here pretending everything is fine, suffering through the pain because you cannot be bothered to ask for help. Now where is it exactly?.” 

Harry was already working on undoing all of the buttons on Severus dress shirt. Severus himself was so shocked by the ambush and frankly too distracted by the feel of Harry undressing him that he could not find it in him to protest any further. So he simply said “Shoulder” and tilted his head to the right. Harry carefully peeled away the fabric from his skin and stepped behind him to assess the damage.

Severus fought with himself not to sigh as Harry's fingers moved over his skin. “It seems that you were right after all.” He exclaimed after a few minutes of careful examination. “It is just an ordinary burn and some healing salve should soothe it nicely. It will be gone completely within the hour. Do you have some here? I could just apply it for you now, seeing as it's a spot one cannot easily reach themselves.”

A simple accio did the trick and soon Harry was massaging the thick salve into Severus' skin, not noticing how he had started to massage Snape's other shoulder and neck as well until he heard a deep groan. The hands dropped immediately back to his sides and he cleared his throat awkwardly. “There, all done.” Harry went back to the cutting board, a blush spreading over his cheeks. Snape smirked inwardly, he found it quite adorable and wondered how far he could take things with Harry. After they had finished the potions, of course.


	9. Day 9: grief

Now that he had stopped seeing Potter as the walking reminder of his parents, Severus Snape could forget about the grief on all days of the year except one. October 31st, Halloween, a day of festivities for almost every witch or wizard. For two Hogwarts residents however, it was a day filled with gloomy thoughts, what-ifs and as much alcohol as it took to drown their sorrow, or at least to not drown in them.

It had all started when Harry came back to complete his education. When Severus could not take points from him and send him back to his dorm, because of the privileges the headmistress had granted the "8th years", he instead ordered Harry to follow him.

They had passed both his office and his potions classroom when Harry started to get a little confused. Why did Snape want his company and where were they going in the first place. When they entered Severus' living room, Severus went straight to his liquor cabinet and poured them both a drink. “Sit, Potter.” Snape motioned to one of the armchairs in front of the fire and handed him his tumbler. They did not speak for the rest of the evening.

Since then it has become a tradition that come Halloween night Severus Snape and Harry Potter would sit in front of a fire and get drunk on way too expensive alcohol.


	10. Day 10: "you're bleeding"

One thing Harry could say for sure was that the end of the war did not make Snape any less of an imposing figure in the classroom. He still had the same personality and commanding appearance, although he was a tiny bit more lenient and did not seem to take as much pleasure in giving out detentions as before. “Detention, Potter!” Right. At least that was case when Harry wasn’t concerned.

As it turned out, however, detention was not so bad after all. Snape had collected him after breakfast on Saturday and steered them both into the forbidden forest. If Harry hadn’t known better, he would have said that Snape enjoyed going ingredient hunting with him. Every so often Severus would stop him, point to a plant and explain what the best time to harvest it was or what type of potions they were generally used for.

Harry, who was walking behind him, was so focused on listening to him and trying to absorb as much of the information as possible that he did not pay any attention to where he was stepping. Once again proving how clumsy he was when not on a broom, he tripped and fell over. He fell right into Severus, who then also lost his balance, and was pulled to the ground with Harry.

A sharp intake of breath was the only indication of any pain that Severus gave. He had landed right on a sharp-edged stone which had cut into his stomach. ‘That’s what you get for your robes.’, Severus thought. Said robes had previously been discarded for flexibility reasons as well as for temperature control. It was the height of summer after all and the forest had always been unusually humid, making heavy robes quite unbearably uncomfortable to wear at this time of year.

Potter had immediately gotten up again and started apologising as he practically heaved his professor up. Severus swatted the helping hands away. “I’m fine, Potter.” But as he shifted the depth of the cut made itself known as a surprisingly large amount of blood came seeping out of the small incision, surprising the both of them. “You’re bleeding. Here let me help you.” Harry pulled his wand fro its holster on his sleeve and started chanting the same words that Snape had used to heal Malfoy back in 6th year.

It was a spell of quite unnecessary strength for a single cut, but with Potter’s power, Severus thought, it probably felt as easy as a simple lumos. The cut closed itself and Severus actually felt a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “So you do pay attention occasionally, Mr. Potter.” After this Severus made sure to go into even more detail about any useful plants and minerals they encountered, and even on occasion stopped at the ones that were merely pretty to look at.


	11. Day 11: scars

The flap to their tent opened and Potter came strutting in. “They are all settled in their tents and the fire has died down. Looks like we're free now.” Severus, who was laying on his mattress reading the new edition of Potions Quarterly, only gave a grunt in reply. He was still annoyed that they had to be the chaperones for the seventh year trip. It was a new tradition that McGonagall had come up with and which Severus could have done very well without. He heard Harry chuckle as he sat down on his own mattress, next to Severus. 

“Severus?”  
“Hmm?”  
“I didn't want to ask you in front of the students today, but why didn't you join us for a swim? I'm sure you would have enjoyed the shock value of them seeing you in something as casual as swimming trunks. Maybe it would have even gotten them to behave a bit better.” 

Severus could hear the grin in Harry's voice and for a second allowed himself to imagine that Harry had hoped for an opportunity to see him shirtless, but then he remembered the disgusted stares his scars had attracted the last time he took his shirt of when other people were around.

“What makes you think they would not have all ran away, screaming?”   
He licked his finger and turned the page. Potter scratched the back of his head and hesitated before quietly saying “I wouldn't have.”

Severus closed his eyes and took off his reading glasses.   
“Be careful with what you say, Potter. One might get the wrong idea.”   
He watched as Potter shifted closer to him.   
“What if they got the right idea?”

Potter was close enough that Severus could feel his warm breath on his skin . He had literally only a moment ago been imagining this exact scenario, but suddenly being confronted with the fact that it was an actual possibility instead of an unattainable fantasy scared Severus.  
“You don't know what you want, Harry” His voice sounded desperate even to his own ears, as if he wanted Harry to prove to him just how much he actually wanted Severus.  
“You shouldn't tell me what I want when you have no idea what I really want.”

Severus breathing quickened and Harry's face had come even closer. If Harry really wanted him, who was he to tell him no? “We are talking too much” and with that, soft lips sealed over his chapped ones. Someone groaned, definitely not himself, Severus thought, and then Potter was in his lap, deepening the kiss.

Hands were flying over hot skin, burying themselves an soft hair and tugging at clothes. Harry was lying on top of Severus , working on unbuttoning his shirt, when Severus brain kicked back in. He grabbed Harry's wrists, stopping him from exposing Severus' chest and looked into the questioning stare above him.   
“Harry I am not as beautiful as you are. You must understand that.” Again his voiced screamed of his desperate need to have Harry accept him anyway, to have him love him with all of his imperfections.

Harry twisted out of Severus' grasp and held his hands instead, squeezing them reassuringly and leaning back down to kiss him again. “There is nothing, Severus, absolutely nothing you could be hiding under this shirt that would make me want you any less. Do you hear me?” Severus nodded, but looked away to the side as Harry resumed his task of ridding him of his shirt.  
He heard a soft gasp as he felt the fabric being pulled from his skin and he pinched his eyes closed, trying to prepare himself for the rejection that was sure to follow. There was very little of his torso that wasn't covered in scars and surely someone as perfect as Harry would prefer someone who was more unblemished.

Instead of hurtful words, Severus felt soft fingertips tracing his scarred flesh. Tears had already formed in his eyes, when he thought he had lost him, now he was staring at Harry in disbelief, his vision slightly blurred. Soon Harry dipped his head down, kissing all of the scars he had previously traced with his fingers. Severus was so overwhelmed with feelings of hope and relief and love that all he could do was let his tears fall and cry silently as Harry showed him how much he was cherished. When Harry had kissed his way back up, making sure to not miss a single scar, he framed Severus face with his hands, wiping at his tears with his thumbs. “You are the most beautiful man I have ever seen, Severus.” Severus sniffed, then pressed his mouth against Harry's, kissing him even more desperately than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed that I had a bit of trouble writing this so I am not sure about the outcome


	12. Day 12: panic attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> terribly sorry that it turned out so short, but I didn't wanna give myself a panic attack (or is it an anxiety attack?) writing this.

He was walking around the classroom not looking at any of the cauldrons. Had the room always been this small? And what was that infernal clicking noise? Has it suddenly gone colder? He was shaking like mad. He felt as if the walls were moving towards him. He tried to sit down, but couldn't stand being still, he was so restless. His clappering teeth were louder than the bubbling cauldrons or any of the students and he didn't hear eleven year old Potter asking him if he was okay, if he needed Mme Pomfrey. He had to get out of this room. He stormed into the hallway and was overtaken by a wave of dizziness and nausea. He had no idea what had even triggered this. He was torn between wanting to be alone in an open space and finding someone to comfort him and give him some feeling of security. His feet ended up dragging him to the lake. Water had always his favourite element.


	13. Day 13: sectumsempra

Severus Snape stormed into the bathrooms. It did not even take him a full second to comprehend what had just happened here, what spell Harry had used on Malfoy. As he crouched over Draco, starting on the healing charm he had invented as a direct counter to his course, he thought back to why he had thought of the curse in the first place. 

He had been the same age as Harry was now, and while he had never actually used the curse on anyone while he was still a student he had thought about it a great deal. Barely a day went by where Severus did not feel like cursing Black and Potter, to give them a taste of their own medicine and watch them suffer for once, instead of only ever being the victim. In the end his conscience always won, it held him back from stepping down to their level. No matter how much they deserved it, he did not deserve the guilt that it would create, nor the judgement of anyone who worshipped the marauders. Severus is still pretty sure that he would have been expelled for a stunt like this.

Of course Severus knew now, that he was not that much better than them himself. Certainly not in his death eater days, his rational brain knows he has done far worse things to innocent, and guilty, people, than the marauders did, but that does not make them any less wrong for all of their bullying and attacking. Realistically speaking they had just as much to do with his joining the death eaters as the Slytherins that groomed him from his first year on. Putting this seed in his brain that being with them was the only place he could ever feel accepted. 

However, as much as Severus would want to, he knows he cannot put all the blame on others. He has to take accountability for his actions. It was him ho actively decided to join a cult and it was him who overheard the prophecy and willingly delivered it to the Dark Lord. And now he was the one who had taught Harry Potter how to slice up his enemies. He doubted the boy even knew what the spell did, his surprised expression certainly did not suggest so, and somehow that only made it worse. There was a new feeling of guilt in the pit of his stomach, a new thing to add to the hundred others that he wish he had no part in. He also saw a bit of himself in Harry and that infuriated him. It made his angry for the boy's sake and it made him angry because this school and it's headmaster still did not care an ounce about their students well-being and it made him feel better about his decision to not sectumsempra James Potter, while also making him feel slightly jealous that Harry got to experience using this spell on his school bully, while he never did. 

He might have been harsher with Harry had it not been for this whirlpool of emotions in him. He would sort through it and leave the correct punishment for later. He suspected that the guilt Harry was sure to be feeling would be more than enough for now, anyway.


	14. Day 14: abandoned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for mention of alcohol abuse/violence and allusion to murder/minor character death (Snape's mother)

"At least you had your parents around."  
Severus knew that Harry had not meant for it to be hurtful. He had absolutely no way of knowing about how bad his childhood had been, because they had never spoken about it before. But even knowing this the words still stung. Severus sat down on the edge of their bed and said "Yes, but sometimes it makes no difference." He felt the mattress dip behind him. "What do you mean?" Harry's voice had instantly gone softer, he knew that there must be a story behind the statement that he has not heard before. 

Severus sighed. He hated thinking about his parents and how abandoned he had always felt, but on the other hand he also thought that Harry deserved to know more about Severus and that included his childhood. Besides, if anyone understood the struggles of growing up in a home where you are made to feel like you are nothing but an unwanted burden, it was Harry. Severus felt strong arms encircling his waist and he let himself lean back into Harry's chest. With one more sigh, he started talking.

He began with his mother. How she had been a part of a proud pure blood family who had disowned her when she decided to marry a muggle. How that meant that they never had any money to spare and rarely enough to cover their expenses. He told Harry how his mother had waited to tell his father about magic until Severus himself started showing the first signs of accidental magic. 

"My father was already a heavy drinker and never particularly affectionate or caring, but after that he got, well, worse. You have seen my scars, Harry. They are not all from my death eater days or the wars, some of them I have carried for longer."

Tobias Snape had spent most of his days sleeping and most of his nights getting drunk or beating his family. Eileen was constantly busy, doing housework or working one of the many small jobs she had to take on to keep the roof over their heads. That left next to no time to spent with her son and so he kept quiet and kept to himself, Lily had been his first friend and he spent as much time as possible with her and her family, but even those visits had be kept sparse as his father did not like him being friends with a girl. He was convinced it would make his son gay. "My son is not a sissy.", he would say every time after he had caught them playing outside and in the evening he would use his belt to try and drive the message home.

"My mother, I believe, did care for me, but it was not possible for her to show much emotion after the first few years of all of this. It was like she had become just a shell of her former self."  
When Severus went to Hogwarts he was equal parts relieved and scared. He had fallen into a routine of redirecting his father's attention to him when he got too handsy and he wondered what would happen to his mother when he was not there to protect her. Every year his worry decreased, because his mother seemed to do much better when he wasn't around, seemed much happier when holidays started than during them. 

"I naively thought that my father was better behaved when I was at school and that I was the main reason he was so violent towards us. Shortly before Christmas in my 7th year Dumbledore ordered me into his office." Severus stopped at that, taking a few breaths and Harry had the feeling that he knew what was coming next. 

"He informed me that my mother had gone missing the week prior and that nobody had seen her since. I knew then and there that she was dead. To this day I still wonder how he had exposed of her body without anyone finding out about it, but then maybe nobody cared to, we were not very well liked in the neighbourhood. For the rest of the school year I kept imagining how I would avenge her death once I graduated, but by the time I got home my father had drunken himself into a coma and I just left him there. I never went back and I never inquired about him. I do not even known if he is somehow still alive."

Harry did not know how to respond to all of this new information. What Severus had went through was so different to his experience with the Dursley's and, in his opinion, far worse too. He squeezed Severus tighter, pressing him closer to his chest and whispered "we both deserved better." Severus laughed. "Indeed, Harry."


	15. Day 15: "stay with me"

It was all Severus could do to connect his memories to the tears that were rolling down his cheeks. He was lying on the floor of the shrieking shack, bleeding to death at an alarming pace. “Take it”, he croaked at Potter and watched as he procured a vial, collecting his silver laced tears. Then his eyes closed and he heard a voice say “Stay with me”, but it was too late, he was tired, so incredibly tired and his world faded to black.

“... and Ginny and I are definitely not getting back together now. I think I have figured something out about myself, who I want to be with and it is so crystal clear now, that I don't know how I haven't noticed it before. Well, I mean I suppose I was a little busy to be thinking about any romantic entanglements, although I do remember thinking Cedric was quite handsome.” Severus sighed inwardly. So he had gone to hell and was now condemned to an eternity of listening to Potter babble on about his teenage crushes. He heard footsteps approaching and noticed how Potter immediately stopped talking 'How interesting', Severus thought. It seemed that in death he had been chosen to be the saviours secret keeper. 'Who would have expected that?'

It was only when he heard Poppy Pomfrey's voice that Severus actually opened his eyes. “My surveillance spell has alerted me that the Professor is awake. Mr. Potter, do be a dear and get him a glass of water, his throat must be terribly dry.” Severus cleared his throat and Potter looked at him, eyes wide, before he nodded and stood up. How long had he been sitting at Severus' bedside? And why was he here in the first place? Surely Potter had more important things to do, like celebrate, or prepare for the next battle. It hit Severus then that he did not even know if the Dark Lord had been defeated for good, but the fact that Potter was clearly alive gave him some doubts about it. He tried to ignore the feeling of guilt in his stomach, he had only just returned from the dead and it was decidedly too soon to be having those kinds of feelings. 

“Am I to assume that I have somehow managed to survive this whole ordeal? I admit I had first thought I had entered hell, but this is just a few degrees colder than I would imagine such a place to be and to my knowledge only the living need food or drink.” Well, at least he had not lost his sass when he was dead, or nearly dead. Poppy looked at him sternly, but Potter surprised him by laughing. “Brilliant deduction, Professor.”, he had said after he helped Severus take a few sips of the water. Then Severus surprised himself by not minding the cheek from the boy. He even felt a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Yes, well, when you live as a spy for 17 years, you learn a thing or two about assessing the situations you find yourself in.” Potter was still grinning. “I bet.”

“Much as I hate to interrupt your friendly chit chat, I do need to run some checks on you, Severus.” Her voice had gotten a little softer as she said his name and Severus remembered that she had always been one of the very few who had seemed to take a liking to him as a student. “Potter, if you would wait behind the screen, please.” Severus only really noticed the level of discomfort he was in when Poppy started to treat him like the invalid that the technically was right now. Much as he would have loved to flee to his quarters right now, he knew he would not make it far before he either sacked into a pile on the floor, or the mediwitch killed him because she “did not save his life only so he could wander off and nearly die on them again”. When the checks were over and done with Severus was very glad that Poppy forced some pain reliever past his lips. 

After a stern reminder to not try and get up on his own and to not strain his vocal chords too much as they were still in the progress of healing, Poppy left for her office again and Potter's head appeared from behind the screen. Severus also saw his hand come up to scratch the back of his neck , a sign he interpreted as nervousness. Perhaps the boy regretted talking about being gay, now that he knew his professor had probably heard him. Well, Severus was not going to bring it up and he was not going to hold the information against the boy. It really was a day full of surprises for Severus, for when Harry declared he should probably leave and let Severus rest a bit more, Severus insisted he stay. He had just slept for God knows how much time and what he really needed was a bit of company and more importantly for someone to finally tell him what had happened during the battle. “Stay with me, Potter, and tell me in as much detail as you can what happened after I blacked out in the shack.” Potter smiled again and sat back down in the chair he had previously occupied before launching head first into the retelling.


	16. Day 16: presumed dead

Severus Snape had never been happier in his life than when everyone thought he was dead. He had made his escape from the British wizarding world and granted he had nearly died, but thanks to Potter and his friends who did not come back for him and also hurried away shortly after he had pretended to faint, he had had just enough time to administer the antivenin for Nagini and not die. A bit of blood replenisher and a few hours of doing absolutely nothing but lie in his own blood, because he did not have any energy left to go some place else, or even sit up, he apparated away. Why no one had thought to check his house in spinner's end in the first few days after the battle, when Potter had eventually gone back to the shack and discovered the body was gone, he did not know, but frankly he was not really surprised. People had always been exceptionally stupid and Potter had told everyone that he had seen him die in front of his eyes, so no one was in any rush to find Severus.

Now, he was living in France, partly because for some stupid nostalgic reason he did not like the idea of being too far from Britain and partly because he already knew the language and the temper of the French had always matched his own pretty well; they were all rude. The French wizarding population outside of the potioneer circle, of course, had never heard of a Severus Snape, but just in case he should ever cross paths with a vacationing British wizard, he kept a glamour on his face at all times. It made his eyes a few shades lighter and his nose look smaller as well as straight rather than broken twice and never properly mended. It was astounding how even those little changes made him look like a completely different man, he doubted that even McGonagall could have recognised him like this. 

To say that the French were very laid back when it came to work was, Severus thought, the understatement of the century, and he had once heard a French mother explain to her daughter that Voldemort was a bad wizard because he wanted to ban blue cheese from the UK. But where laziness and long breaks would have usually annoyed Severus to no end, it actually came in handy in starting his own owl order potions business. When clients were fed up with waiting for their potions from their usual sources, they turned to him and his excellent potion making skills ensured that they stayed his or rather Sebastian Pane's, as that was what he called himself, customers. 

In his first year in Paris Severus had brewed in his little flat above an old book store, but he soon found that he needed more space, so he was on the lookout for an office space he could maybe transform into a proper potions laboratory. Not even a week later the owner of the book shop, an elderly man, announced that his daughter was pregnant and that he was going to pack up and move back to Normandy to spent time with his family. It took Severus half an hour to make a deal with him and from then on he spent his time selling books in the front and brewing his potions in the back. It kept him busy and made him enough profit to live a quiet and comfortable life, which was all that Severus ever wanted. The thought of big mansions and white peacocks parading around grounds the size of Hogwarts still made him shiver.

On the days that Severus did allow himself to live the French way of life, meaning taking three hour lunch breaks, he treated himself to two pain au chocolats from the café just opposite his flat and shop. The pastries were the best Severus had eaten in all of Paris and Severus had, especially in his first months here, tried quite an embarrassing amount of them. It was at this café that his peace was disturbed.

Severus was sitting outside, his nose stuck in a book about herbs that he had found buried under some romance novels in his shop that morning, when someone cleared their throat. “Excusez moi, is this seat taken?” Severus did not even bother to look up and just answered in the negative, what did he care if there was an extra chair at his table, he was alone and clearly did need it. But against his expectations the man who had asked did not sweep the chair away to another table, but sat down at his and started perusing the menu. Slightly perplexed at this, but not overly bothered, Severus just shrugged and kept on reading his book. However, the man next to him did not get the hint that Severus preferred to stay quiet and began to initiate some sort of conversation. Maybe, Severus thought, the guy was trying to hit on him. “You're English is really good, have you ever been to Britain? Most French people I have met so far have flat out refused to speak anything but French so I had to resort to some really bad translations spells.” At this Severus head shot upwards, there was no way the stranger should have known that he was a wizard and safe to tell such things to, only to come face to face with one Mister Harry Potter himself. And of course it was him. Who else would Severus have the bad luck to encounter and who else would talk about magic with a perfect stranger. 

Raising his eyebrow, a habit he had not shaken, Severus lowered his voice and returned to another old habit; admonishing Potter for being careless and stupid. “I see. The famous Harry Potter does not need to keep his wizardry a secret from the general muggle population. Do you know what could happen if you revealed our existence to the wrong people?” But Potter was as unimpressed as ever and if he was surprised that Severus had recognised him he did not show it. Potter just smiled and pointed to Severus' left sleeve, where the tip of a wand was showing. “I could see your wand”. Severus cheeks pinked slightly and he had to keep himself from retaliating with a sassy remark on how his observation skills had obviously improved from his Hogwarts days, seeing as Sebastian Pane was not supposed to know anything about that.

So instead he just picked up his book again and forced out a “yes, I have lived in England as a child”, leaving out the part where he lived only a few streets away form his mother and hoped the conversation had come to an end. After all Potter's assessment skills had improved, so he should be able to tell when someone really did not want to talk to him. It seemed however that if Potter did notice, he simply did not care because he immediately followed up with “Really? And what is it that you do here in Paris?” Severus did nothing to hide the annoyance in his tone as he answered, “Yes, Potter, really. I own the book shop right there.” He nodded his head in the right direction but kept his eyes glued to the page. “Now if you would be so kind as to let me read my book, I would be ever so thankful.” He did not know how long he could sit here and talk to Potter without giving himself away. Visions of Rita Skeeter, knocking on his door and demanding an exclusive interview on how he had managed to survive and why he had left his old life behind even when he was awarded a order of merlin first class. A waiter came and Potter ordered some pastries and a coffee.

It was blissfully quiet while Potter ate, but when he finished his last bite and took another sip of his coffee Potter searched for another opening into a conversation. “So, a book store you said?” Severus gave no indication what so ever that he had heard him, but Potter went on anyway. “Maybe you could help me find a book. I have been looking for a sort of guide on how to get one's old potions professor, who has somehow got everyone thinking he is dead, to talk to you.” Severus book fell from his grip and he looked at Potter with a shocked expression. How long had Potter known? And what did he want from him? Potter was staring at him, presumably comparing his glamour to the face that he knew. “I like your own nose better, it gives you character.” This was going to be a long day for Severus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of my knowledge of France comes from "Emily in Paris" and German prejudices of the French. I don't actually mean to offend.  
> Also a huge thank you to everyone who takes the time to leave a little comment on these, I appreciate you a lot!


	17. Day 17: touch starved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had too much fun making this "touched starved gay meets vampire" meme into a snarry for this prompt. It's quite humourous, but not a crack level parody. Also I have imagined Severus as a Goth in his early 20s and Harry as, well he is a vampire who knows how old he is, but he looks around 10 years older than Severus. Also no-magic AU, but vampires exist, obviously.

Severus had never been scared of graveyards. In fact they had always been a place where he felt an incredible sense of calm overcome him. Whenever he was anxious, or particularly sad or lonely, he would roam about and read all the names on the tombstones. It made him feel connected to them, like they were there with him and that he was not alone on this earth.

He had been here nearly every night this week, sitting on the same bench, facing the row where his mothers grave was and just listening to the sounds of leaves rustling above him, owl hooting and even on occasion a few bats. He could not bring himself to go up to her grave an dread her name as he always did with the others, it would mean she was really dead and he was not ready to face that yet. He felt incredibly lonely. He had no family left, no boyfriend and all of his friends were always busy and unavailable. He just really needed a hug.

A few branches above Severus head hung a small bat. Had Severus noticed it he would have wondered about it's strange behaviour, how it watched the sad figure below it as if he possessed human vision. But Severus was too busy sighing and sinking into depressive thoughts to notice much else. After the bat had watched Severus for a few minutes and had had enough of the continuous dramatic exhales and general depressive mood of the young man, it flew down, hovering in front of Severus' face. 

Severus was jerked out of his thoughts by the bats appearance and after his eyes had focussed on the small thing before him, he let out a small smile. Bats had always been one of his favourite animals. “Hello, little guy. Are you going to keep me company?” He knew it was stupid, talking to animals as if they understood you, but for a moment Severus could have sworn the bat nodded. Then something Severus would have thought of as impossible happened. The bat grew bigger and bigger and not even a few seconds after it started transforming a fully grown, slightly older and very attractive man was standing in front of him. 

Severus reflexively jumped back onto his bench and was already turning away so he could make his escape, when surprisingly warm hands grabbed his left wrist and kept him in place. “Please, don't. I am not going to hurt you.” The voice sounded soft and honest. Severus' mind was screaming at him to break free of the hold and get to safety, but a bigger part of him was curious and made him turn back against his better judgement. Severus took more time to actually look at the man now. He definitely was attractive, even in the first shock moment his brain had been able to make enough room for that assessment, and it looked like he was earnest in his endeavour to keep Severus company. So he would let him. 'Dear God, am I really this desperate?', he thought to himself, but his body answered that pretty quickly as he sat back down on the bench. 

The bat-man, Severus sighed inwardly as his mind whirled to leather clad superheroes, smiled at him and took his seat next to Severus. “I'm Harry by the way”. Harry stretched out his hand for Severus to shake, who took it and mumbled a “Severus” in reply. “So, Severus, what has brought you here at this hour and why are you so sad?”. It registered as a weird question in Severus mind, because he knew that most other people did not come to a graveyard for any joyous occasions, but he was so weirdly touched that Harry cared enough to actually ask him, that he let it slide without a snarky comment.

Harry was a good listener and when Severus was done telling him all about his most pressing burdens, he already felt so much lighter. The silence that followed, however, reminded him of the awkwardness and absurdity of the situation. Again he chided himself for blindly trusting this supernatural being. Was he even what humans thought of as a vampire? He let out a snort and Vocalised his thoughts. “I cannot believe I have been sitting here with you for that long and not even asked you whether you actually are a vampire?” Sever was never usually this awkward, even in strange situations. “To be fair, I think this is pretty special situation for you. It's normal that your brain is not functioning in the same way it normally would. But, to answer your question, yes I am. Always have been, always will be.”

As Harry was talking, Severus watched his mouth. Every now and again a fang would be visible, shining in the moonlight, and every time an excited shiver would run down Severus' spine. He realised that he had been staring at Harry's mouth and cleared his throat as his cheeks turned a slight pink. Harry's smile widened and he leant closer, throwing one arm behind Severus on the backrest of the bench. “Anything else you want to ask while you have the chance?” His eyes twinkled dangerously and Severus brain short circuited. He licked his lips and then blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “Do you really sparkle in the sun?” 

The second it was out, Severus scrunched up his face and hid behind his hands. Harry just let out a deep and loud laugh. “No, don't hide your face, Severus.” Harry gently took Severus hands in his and moved them down to rest on Severus' legs. “You're really cute, Severus.” Severus' blush darkened, but his eyes brightened. He did not know why Harry had that big of an effect on his, but his words made him feel all giddy and warm inside. His eyes automatically fell back to Harry's lips and channelling all of his courage, he moved forward, using Harry's surprise to deepen the kiss quickly and thrust his tongue into the vampire's mouth. 

Harry grunted in response and let go of Severus' hands so he could bury them in his long black hair instead. Severus mind was going numb. All that he could think of was the pleasurable, slightly tingling sensation that he felt, until his tongue brushed one of Harry's fangs and pure desire shot through his whole body. With a loud moan he broke away from the delicious mouth before him. “Bite me, Harry.”, he begged in a husky voice. Harry looked him in the eyes and Severus noticed that his pupils were blown so wide that they nearly hid the sparkling green of his irises. “Are you sure?”. Severus nodded aggressively. “Yes... please, Harry!” With a possessive growl, Harry bend his head to Severus neck and when he pierced the soft skin there, both of them cried out in ecstasy.


	18. Day 18: falling

his favourite coffee shop was a small one right across one of the city's biggest Starbucks. Needless to say it was the perfect place to people watch without actually having to get close to any of them. Well that was if one did not count the barista that Severus had come very close to. Dangerously close, in his opinion.. Harry, that was the barista's name, had been extremely friendly form the beginning and Severus had tried his best to show off his sour personality to get Harry to back off. But Harry was nothing if not persistent. 

It had really started out as nothing but a battle of who could annoy the other more; Severus with his bitterness, or Harry with his chipper customer smile. But Severus would be lying if he said he had not enjoyed it in some weird way. On campus he always had to be the bigger person, a definite disadvantage of being a tenured Professor, but here he could be petty and hate Harry for no reason whatsoever. It was refreshing. Except that he did not hate Harry at all.

Sometimes after the first month of their routine of making the ordering of his coffee as uncivil and passive aggressive an interaction, Harry had started to hang around him when there was nothing else to do. He would come and wipe down all of the tables around Severus, but never the one's on the other side of the room. And then Harry had just started talking to him. Severus had been so startled at the sudden voice, he had been completely engaged in ogling Harry's arse, that he had answered him civilly and since then they had talked nearly every time Severus went there to get a coffee.

While Severus prided himself on his intellect that surpassed most other's, it took him an embarrassingly long time to understand that Harry had started flirting with him. Even their ordering ritual had become laced with romantic tension, it had gone from serious bickering to light teasing. It took Severus even longer to realise that he was flirting back and then even longer to realise that he wanted more with Harry. Yet every time Harry tried to take things further, invite him to dinner, or on a movie, or a drink, Severus would block the attempts. 

Severus looked down at his cup, sighed and leant back in his chair, letting his eyes fall closed .He listened as one song ended and the speakers started playing a new one. Wise men say, only fools rush in. But I can't help falling in love with you. He let out a snort. Perfect timing for this song. Was it what this was, though? Did he always reject Harry when he ca,e too close to his carefully build walls, because he was scared of falling in love with him? Since he was a child he had always been afraid of heights, more specifically of being pushed off of them, or tripping and falling over the edge. Maybe this fear was more than just wincing at tall buildings and he had just never noticed it before. He opened his eyes again and looked up to the counter where he immediately made eye contact with Harry. His expression was so soft that Severus felt a pang in his chest. Harry smiled brightly at him, grabbing his rag to make his way over to him and it was then that Severus decided it was high time he got over his fear of falling. This fall, he firmly told himself, he was going to enjoy.


	19. Day 19: regret

Severus was pacing up and down in his living room, checking to see if his hair was still neatly tied back every time he passed his mirror. A mirror that he had had to hex so it would stop calling him an idiot for stressing about this. I was just a dinner invitation. 'Except that we always eat dinner together in the great hall, this is so much more personal. Definitely a date.' Severus took a deep breath and tried to steady himself. His mirror was right. He was behaving like an idiot. 'Just because Harry Potter has invited you to dine with him in his quarters does not mean that you have to act like a love sick teenager.' They already had enough of those roaming around in the castle. 

Once again he played with the idea to just cancel the plans. To stay in his own rooms, with a nice book and a closed of floo so he could not possibly be reached by anyone. But then he thought back upon the time when a few months ago the prophet had managed to print a detailed story about one of Harry's dates. Brought to live by the retelling of the actual man who had gone on that date with Harry. And the anger and jealousy he had felt came back in full force. The audacity of the man to betray Harry like that, enraged him to no end, but he supposed he should also be thankful. He might not have gotten that dinner invitation had one Kevin McFarlane behave in a more gentleman like manner.

No, there was nothing to it, Severus Snape had to go. He wanted to go and he had spend too much of his life doing the thing he did not want to do. He had so many regrets that he still has to live with, the memory of people that still hurt today and he would be damned if he added Harry onto that list. Nodding at the image in his mirror one last time, he grabbed the bottle of elven wine he had purchase earlier and made his way out of the dungeons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it counts if the word regret appears in the text right? <.<


	20. Day 20: paranoia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is definitely a more humour filled ficlet, so beware that it might seem quite silly.

“Harry? Harry! Harry, come quick, please.” Severus' breathing was accelerated . He should have never touched the computer. “Harry!” 

Thundering steps came down the staircase and a very wet Harry, clad in only his towel, came running up to him. “What? What happened, are you hurt?” Severus shook his head and pointed at the devil's device that Harry had insisted on buying. Immediately Harry's face relaxed into a small smile. “What is is this time?”

If Severus had not been so panicked, he would have been insulted, but that would have to wait until later. For now he just moved round to the screen and pointed at it. He was sweating. 

“Okay? So you ordered some stationary for class and they are awaiting your payment. So far so good, right?”

“No, not right.” Severus voice was probably as high as it could go. “I have already filled out all of the payment information, but it said it did not work and then I tried it again, double checking I had typed in the correct information, but again nothing happened and now we are stuck with this. What if they ship it now and I cannot pay for it, or what if in two weeks I will have to pay massive interests for making them wait so long? Why did those orders even go through to this stage if the payment was unsuccessful? Why are they not still in my basket?. 

Severus hands were buried in his hair, pulling on random strands and huffing in frustration. “Or what if it was all just a ploy to get our information and tomorrow our bank account will be stripped of all money and they'll come here and kill us, or kidnap us?”

“Severus! Calm down! There has to be a way to just cancel it and they will not ship anything, either. See it says shipment only happens once the payment is received. Also, I am pretty sure they don't want to kill us.” 

Harry made a few clicks on the website and then let out a triumphant cry. “Aha! There, found it. Cancel order... and done.” 

Severus let out a long breath, but still was not completely convinced those people would not come for all their savings.

“Did you watch crime shows again, yesterday?” Harry asked carefully, knowing full well that Severus got touchy when Harry suggested he reacts to them more strongly than the average person.

“So what if I did? This has nothing to do with that. It is perfectly reasonable to be cautious on the internet.”

Harry laughed. “Yes. Caution is important, but there is nothing reasonable about paranoia.” 

Severus eyes twinkled angrily and Harry's amused as he reached out to stroke his husband's cheek. “It will be alright, trust me.” After a quick peck on Severus' lips, Harry went back upstairs to get dressed and missed how Severus' face softened as he watched him..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to pretend this is not inspired by my failed attempt of ordering some stationary, yesterday...


	21. Day 21: Death Eater

“Crucio!”

With a heavy grunt Severus falls to the ground. He refuses to scream, because he knows that is exactly what the Dark lord wants and he is not willing to give up the last bit of control he has over himself. The pain is excruciating and he does his best to think about something else, but even as someone who is very skilled at occlumency, it is hard under circumstances like these. 

His mind wanders first to Lily. She was the first friend he had ever had and he had drove her away by letting the arseholes, who were currently all gawking at him and snickering like teenage girls, rope him into their ideology. 

Then he jumped to the other woman who had been important to him. If Eileen Prince's family had not been blinded by their pureblood prejudices against Muggles, no matter that they were right about Tobias, they would h´not have lost their daughter and left Severus bereft of any other family besides his parents. Him and his mother would not have been dependant on his father and they could have left their abusive home, live comfortably somewhere else. Alone and not struggling to pay the bills.

Regulus, the only Black with an ounce of sense, had really grown on him, but then he as well had been killed by Voldemort.

As his mind went to Harry Potter, he felt the pain lessen, the kid did not deserve any of this. Certainly not the responsibility to rid the world of this monster. “Get up, Severus.” He stands, bows down to the Dark Lord and makes his way back into the rows of other Death Eaters. 'But I can't wait for the day that he does.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's pretend he does not die on that very same day, and before he can see snake face fall... it's too sad :(


	22. Day 22: collapsed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am officially calling myself skilled at interpreting these prompts in a completely different way than they were originally meant.

When Severus wakes he feels as if Hagrid had trampled all over him. He is trying to remember what happened, but then voices disturb his concentration. Was one of them Potter's voice?

“Ah, Professor. You are awake.” And how had Potter known that? He opened his eyes and looked in the direction he suspected Potter to standing. “Auror, Potter. I was not aware that you were training to become a healer. You truly are a man of many talents, are you not?” 

It is obvious to everyone in the room that he meant it in a sarcastic way, but Potter is not perturbed either way. “I thank you, yes. I like to believe that I am, but it was not hard to know you had woken up. Your face scrunched up the second you heard my voice.” Potter was grinning and Severus scrunched his face up even more at that.

He watched as Potter spoke some more with the healer, a Huffelpuff, passable at potions. From what he could hear he had had several fractures and broken bones as well as punctured lungs. They would very likely discharge him tomorrow. It certainly explained the pain he was under. 

“What do you want, Potter” He had asked finally. It was enough that he had somehow found his way into St. Mungo's, he did not need Potter on his case as well. When Severus asked that question, a gleam entered Potter's eyes and he smiled at Severus again. The sudden weird feeling Severus felt in his stomach must have been a side effect from his injuries. 

“Do you remember what happened?”. Potter's voice had softened to a level one would use when talking to a small child and Severus was not happy about that at all. At the same time, however, he could not remember what happened and so he just opted to glower at him without saying a word. 

Potter smirked wider. “Right. Healer Fletcher had already warned me that you might suffer some temporary memory loss, but don't worry, it should come back in a few hours at the latest. If you want a quick summary, you were in a building and it collapsed. We think someone might have been targeting you specifically.”

Severus raised his eyebrows. Surely he would have noticed if someone had been following him that day, or any other day. It definitely sounded more like a planned attack than a spontaneous one, so the attacker would have to have a good idea of Severus movements.

“This is why I'm here. I would like to ask you a few basic questions and also ask you to meet with me once you have been discharged and have full access to your memories again. Would that be alright with you, Professor?”

Severus snorted at the question and asked if he even had any actual choice in the matter. It had all sounded more like an order. Potter smiled apologetically. “I'm afraid not.” he let's out a long sigh and declares “You will owe me, Potter.” 

Harry laughs and agrees. “Sure. How about we'll make it a dinner. You can choose the restaurant and I'll invite you. Or, if you would prefer, I could invite you over to mine and cook you something myself. I make a really good roast, just to let you know.”

Severus did not let his surprise at the offer show. “I am afraid I am not in the right mindset to find out if your cooking skills exceed your potion brewing abilities, that will have to wait for another time. However, I would not be averse to a nice restaurant. I will owl you once I made my choice. Now let's hear your questions so you can go and let me rest in peace.”  
At the mention of a possible other time, the same gleam from earlier stole itself back into Potter's eyes and for a moment Severus thought that maybe Potter was planning an ambush on Severus himself. Again he ignored the flip in his stomach.


	23. Day 23: "don't touch me"

Something was scratching at his door. He was determined to wait it out. Whoever had lost their pet in the dungeons would surely hurry to collect it. But even after his evening bath, the scratching was still there. “Persistent beast”, Severus mumbled, walking to his door. He had only opened it a tiny crack, to see if he could recognise the animal and have a stern talking to with it's owner, but before he could even see what it was, it had already squeezed through and darted into his quarters, hiding itself somewhere. 'Well then,' Severus thought, 'if it fit through that gap it must be a cat.'

He did not see or hear anything else from the cat for the rest of the evening, a definite improvement from the incessant scratching noise from before. Severus was just about to go to bed when he thought to place a water bowl and a plate with a little meat on the ground. He still was not sure where exactly the cat was hiding, but it would come out when it was hungry. He was too tired to be much perturbed by the fact that there was a living being in his chambers and that he was not bothered by the fact that he did not know it's precise location.

He was trying hard to control his breathing, his heart was beating twice as fast as normal. Any second now, his cover would be blown and the Dark Lord would not hesitate to kill him. He felt a weight on his chest. With a jolt he sat up in bed, grabbed his wand and shot a full body bind hex at whatever it was that was on top of him. “Lumos”, he whispered and then looked straight into the green eyes of a cat. “Mrow?” It was a pitiful sound that came out of it, due to the body bidn, and Severus would have probably laughed at it, had he not still been feeling the terrors of his nightmare. He cancelled the spell and the cat immediately jumped off of his chest, keeping a bit of distance between them and plopping down on the empty space next to him. It looked at him as if to inquire what had happened. “Bad dream.”, Severus yawned. “I hope you have learnt your lesson; Don't touch me.” The cat meowed lazily and curled up to go to sleep.

The cat did not learn it's lesson. The next morning it was standing on Severus chest again, kneading the blanket and meowing loudly. Luckily for the cat, Severus realised it's identity soon enough this time, although it still made him jump. He was just not used to having another living being in his quarters, much less his bed. “Stop that infernal racket, beast.”, he grumbled. It probably wanted to be fed again.

“I am going to let you eat this and then you are out, understand?” The cat looked at him dumbly and for a second those green eyes reminded him of another pair. Shaking his head, he placed a small plate with tuna in front of the small furry thing. He watched as it ate and when it was done, he moved to the door, opened it wide and looked at the cat expectantly. It did not move. “You cheeky little thing.” If the cat did not want to move on its own, he would throw it our himself.

At the end of the day the cat was very much still in his quarters and Severus had learned that cats were excellent at wiggling out of even the firmest of grips. Their claws were much sharper than they looked as well, his cheek still stung a little. So far, at least none of his snakes were missing a black cat. He had asked the other head of house to inquire with their students if they were missing such an animal. Until he had more information on that front he would have to wait and just keep the cat himself. He snorted as he remembered Minerva's expression as had imagined him with a cat. “Mrow?” Severus looked up from his book. “Stop looking at me like that, you remind me of Potter when you do that.” Severus was unsure whether he had lost his marbles, or if the cat actually looked amused at that. “Mrrrow!”. It jumped up on his lap and started purring, butting it's little head against Severus stomach and then against the book he was holding. Severus sighed, then started stroking the soft fur. “And you are just as attention seeking. I might start calling you 'Harry'.” Tiny teeth gently bit into his hand then and he let out an actual laugh, making the cat jump. He patted its head in apology. 'What a cheeky little brat. Harry it is then.'

The next morning Severus woke up to Harry mewling loudly again. “Yes, yes. You're starving, I get it.” With his eyes still half closed he cast a tempus. It was not even six yet. He groaned and turned over. Harry would survive another hour, Severus really needed some more rest before his 5th year Slytherin-Gryffindor class this morning. He had nearly fallen asleep again when soft fur tickled his nose and a surprisingly long and rough tongue licked across his face. Severus grumpily pushed Harry away, but Harry was persistent. Not even five minutes later, he was happily munching on his tuna. 

Two days later there was still no report of a missing cat and Severus was entertaining the idea of just keeping the stray. Harry was surprisingly good company and the purring did wonders for Severus temper. Severus went to the Great Hall for breakfast with an expression on his was that was as close to smiling than he would allow. He greeted his colleagues with a polite nod and took his place next to the new DADA professor. Even though the curse on the position had been broken, it was still quite hard to find someone who was both qualified enough for the job and could handle being a teacher. Severus knew that first hand, sometimes he himself could barely manage the latter. The owls came swooping in and Archimedes, his own owl, dropped an edition of the daily prophet straight into his lap. He could already see Potter's face staring at him. With a sigh he filled his plate and started reading only to choke on a bite of his waffle.

He storms back into his quarters and Harry perks up from where he was sitting, cleaning his fur. With long strides Severus makes his way over to him, shoving the front page into his face. “Care to explain this?” The cat shrunk in on itself, ears flattening back. “In case you lost your ability to read, let me tell yo what today's headline is. 'Head Auror and saviour of the wizarding world, Harry Potter, has gone missing.” He takes a moment to look at the fluffy ball on his armchair. Then he continues. “And do you know what Minerva told me this morning? She said that Harry Potter had come to her for advice on how to master the animagus transformation just a few days before he disappeared.” He let out an exasperated sigh. Harry looked at him with wide eyes and cautiously came closer to Severus, eventually rubbing his head against his hand. Severus expression softened and in a calmer voice he said. “I will go brew the potion that will help you turn back. Stay here.” “Mrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you see this coming from the beginning?


	24. Day 24: shaking/trembling

Against popular belief, Severus Snape really enjoyed the advent time. He was not as cold hearted as to stay untouched by the warmth of it. The premise of Yule and Christmas always lifted everyone's spirit. Also, he really liked the aesthetics of snow covered landscapes and Honeydukes carried his favourite chocolate only in the winter months.

It was a Saturday morning and most of the castle's inhabitants were still fast asleep. Severus used the opportunity to be the first one to take a walk around the, newly covered in white, grounds. The snowstorm from the night before had transformed them into a winter wonderland. 

He made his way to the lake, taking in the think ice sheet on it's top and making a mental note to talk to Minerva later about reminding the students of the basic security spells, should they want to skate on it. 

Severus was just about to turn back, as he was getting a bit chilly despite his heavy robes and warming charms, when a snow ball hit him in the back of his head. Slowly, and with a furious look on his face he spun around, ready to give the culprit a month long detention with Filch, only to discover that it had not been a student at all. 

Before he could voice his displeasure another ball hit him straight in the face. Professor Potter was a good shot. Severus spit out the snow and stared at Potter with a surprised expression. He had always known that Gryffindors were brave, but when he talked about their active death wishes he had been joking. Now he had all the facts to prove his theory.

“Don't worry. It wasn't yellow.” Potter yelled in his direction and despite himself, Severus felt the corners of his mouth twitch. If Potter wanted a war, he could have one. “Careful, Potter.”, Severus yelled back. “You are going to regret having started this.” With that he threw his first ball.

It took over twenty minutes until they had powered themselves out, both drenched in sweat and snow. Shaking, Potter eventually admitted defeat and Severus was openly pleased about it. Trembling from the cold he then finally turned back towards the castle. “I told you, you would regret it. Oh, and Potter? Detention tonight, after dinner, my quarters. Do not be late.” He left Harry staring after him.


	25. Day 25: headache

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone want more Dad Snape?

Severus Snape could feel the headache coming from a mile away. These days Harry had become very talkative and very attached to him. The 5 year old barely left his side. He came up with new “why”-questions every half minute at least. Severus swore to himself to never complain about students not being inquisitive enough ever again. This was hell and the worst part about it was when he did not know an answer. He really did not need to a small child to make him feel stupid, thank you very much.

“But why does magic even exist?”. Severus could not take it any more. “I don't know. Why are you being so annoying?”, he half-yelled. Harry immediately shut his mouth, pressing it into a thin line, a thin line that quivered. Tears were building up in his eyes. 'Oh no, shit.' “No, Harry, don't cry. I did not mean that. You know that you are loved, right?”. 

Severus sat down on one of the stools in his lab and pulled Harry onto his lap. Harry sniffled and looked up at Severus, who felt a pang in his chest for having caused Harry any sorrow. He was getting way too soft and emotional.

“Really? But do you love me too?” Harry's voice was cautious, but hopeful. 'Damn, I am raising him to be too smart.' With a sigh, Severus pulled Harry closer to his chest, resting his chin on that unruly mess Harry called his hair. “Yes, I do.” Harry cuddled closer at hearing those words, winding his arms around Severus' neck. 

Severus felt a warmth in his chest that nothing else had previously been able to incite, a fierce protectiveness and the knowledge that he would never again let Harry doubt his love. He already felt a little sorry for the people who would break Harry's heart once he got older. Severus knew quite a lot of painful and unpleasant hexes after all.


	26. Day 26: crying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one broke me. So many days of trying to turm whumptober prompts into as little whump as possible have left me with a lot of excess whump for this one. warnings: death (not Severus)

The only sounds in the house are crying and his footsteps. A lived in house should never be this quiet. Severus steps over the unpleasant surprise at the front door. He feels no glee about it, but neither does he feel guilt. He does not want to think about what the body means he is likely to find upstairs. But the baby is crying. Surely if the sole object of the visit was to dispose of it, Lily could still be... He gulps. Does not dare finish that thought for he knows there is little hope. He climbs the stairs, follows the wailing and takes a deep breath before entering the room. 

The baby is lying in its little cot, still crying, screaming, but his eyes are drawn to the woman lying dead on the floor. On trembling legs, he takes the few steps to her side and then he just collapses. He wants to scream too, makes as much noise as the baby, but his throat is constricted and he can only let out a broken sob. The tears stream down his face and he is sniffling as he holds the only true friend he had ever had. 

For James he had felt no guilt, but now, with Lily, he felt the guilt consume him. Severus feels sure that he will never experience anything but guilt and sorrow ever again. He rocks her body as he wishes someone would rock him. How he longed for somebody to tell him it was all going to be alright, that this was just a bad dream and he would wake up soon, safely ensconced in his bed. But of course he did not. Instead he was slumped on the floor, holding a body that was slowly growing cold until the coldness burned his skin, numbing it, and he sought warmth to wake it up again.

The baby. It had cried itself to sleep. Severus walked up to its cot and lifted him out of it. Little Harry Potter. He pulled him to his chest, hoping against hope that he would bring back the warmth. And then he stood there, gently rocking the baby as he had done the mother before. He did not know for how long he stood there, but he thinks he might have never went away if heavy footsteps had not echoed through house. So incredibly loud in the eerily silent house. A house full of death. Harry, awoken by the noise, began to cry again and Severus laid him back in his cot, turned towards the window and vanished into the night.


	27. Day 27: punishment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think the mature setting is quite fitting for this one o.o

Severus had been naughty specifically so he could come and collect his punishment. His master was already waiting for him, smirking menacingly and with a dangerous gleam in his eye. Severus' stomach flips. The whole day he had been waiting for this. 

Green eyes roamed over his body and he felt his cheeks heat up. "Such a pretty blush, Severus. But we both know you are not as innocent as it suggests. Let us start with 20. Make your other, very lovely, cheeks burn as well." Severus whimpered and positioned himself, waiting for the first blow.

He felt a body press against him, hard evidence of the other's arousal against his arse, and hot breath agaist his ear. "Count them for me." And without any more warning, the first blow came down on his right cheek. Severus grunted. "One." After the third, he was moaning. They were calling it 'punishment' but the both knew it was really a reward.


	28. Day 28: "What did you do?"

Severus Snape was no stranger to doubting one's own action or decisions and he certainly was no stranger to regretting them. 

When he had called his best friend, someone who he had loved dearly, a racial slur, his inner voice had immediately screamed “what did you do?” at him. And he had kept muttering it for the rest of the day. Even when he was sitting alone in his room at night, a room he should have been sharing with someone, but that someone would not be caught dead sharing it with him, bunking in a full room instead, he did not stop berating himself. He just stared at the wall and asked himself over and over what he had done, trying not to cry over the loss of his only friend.

Severus Snape was also not a stranger to asking others what they had done. He seemed to have a talent for trusting only the people, who could not keep their promises, with protecting what was dear to him. 

When Severus Snape had entered Godric's Hollow, he already knew what he would find there. They had to be dead, or how else would he have been able to find them? To discover that the baby was still alive was a surprise and to pretend that Severus, at that moment, was happy about it was to lie. Why did Lily have to die when the baby, the actual target, got to live? He knew it was an unfair thought, stemming only from the bitterness he had felt then, but it was still what he had felt at the time. When he was back in Dumbledore's office he had screamed at him, asking him what he had done, why he had not protected her. He could not understand how he failed at such an important task.

Severus Snape was no stranger to people not asking him to explain his actions. He was no stranger to them assuming the worst and finding himself at wandpoint because of misunderstandings or misinterpretations. 

When Severus Snape had killed Dumbledore, when he had watched him beg Severus to kill him and made him tumble over the railings of the tower, he had found himself being chased by Harry Potter. Harry Potter who had used his own spell against him. Harry Potter who was someone who, for a whole school year, had not been able to figure out that the man in a book, a man whom he had trusted enough to use a spell without knowing what it did, was really the man he had wrongfully mistrusted since he had met him. Who he was still wrongfully mistrusting. But Harry Potter did not stop to ask questions of why and what, because he thought he had seen it all, he thought that he knew all that he needed to.

Severus Snape was not a stranger to everything going horribly wrong whenever Severus Snape was involved.


	29. Day 29: alone

Severus Snape had always liked being alone. It's a habit quite frequently found in the lonely. A defence mechanism, if you will. As long as there is no one around, one can pretend that there is a logical reason for feeling lonely, but once one is surrounded by people and yet has no one to talk to, one has to admit that it is because no one wishes to. Then it becomes your failing for not being good enough. 

When Severus and Harry began their relationship, however, Severus found that his preference for being alone faded more and more. Before Harry, Severus could not wait to get away from everybody to finally be alone again, pretending that his loneliness was out of choice, not because he had no one. Now, though, he hated being alone. 

Whenever Harry was away on a work trip, Severus busied himself with work and spend as much time as possible in between, surrounded by people. Harry's friends had become his friends and Harry had also made him realise that maybe he had had friends before, he just had not realised it. Although, Severus was keeping himself busy when Harry was away, and kept himself surrounded by people who appreciated him, what he did most was wait. Wait for Harry to return. It was never a conscious thing, and Severus would always deny it, but everyone around him would notice how he got more clingy, like he was afraid of losing everyone if he did not have them around him enough. Severus would notice it too, it was a fear that would maybe never go away completely. Severus only ever realised how deep he let himself sink into it, when Harry returned. Then a sudden sense of calmness would overcome him and he would remember that he did not have to equate loneliness with being alone for a while, because while he would be alone at times for the rest of his life, as long as he had Harry, he would never be lonely.


	30. Day 30: self hatred

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean it's somewhat related to the prompt, right?

Severus Snape was sitting in his office, bored. So he decided to do what he always did when he was either bored at work, or deep in his self hatred phase; scroll through social media.

Nowadays, Professors had not only put up with students, but also horrible technology. Luckily for him we was not so ancient that he could not learn how to properly handle a computer and all of the software they needed to use for marking essays and exams now. And while he had been very sceptical and rather annoyed at the increasing digitalisation in the beginning, he was now quite glad of it. After all, he could hide behind a screen and do whatever, while every passer by would simply assume that he was working.

In reality, he was browsing facebook. With a fake personal account, of course, no Professor or teacher wanted their students to find them. Severus promptly clicked onto the page he knew would provide him some entertainment; A facebook group solely dedicated to him. It was a place where all of his students from his lectures, or his labs, could come together and moan about how evil and strict he was. Depending on Severus mood, this was either incredibly hilarious or genuinely hurtful. Today was a funny day. He looked at the clock , he had at least twenty minutes until his lab assistant, as 3rd year student named Harry Potter, would show up to discuss some things. Very likely even longer than that, if one counted in Potter's tendency to run late.

Reading the first few new posts on the page had been fun indeed. They were nothing but young adults who were missing being treated like children and wanted Severus to hold their hand while solving a simple problem. The ones that came after, however, made him wonder if today was not a self-hatred day after all. Granger, one of his most promising, if annoying, students had some serious concerns over Severus teaching abilities.

He scrolled some more and was surprised when he saw a comment written by Potter. His profile picture was smiling at him and Severus wondered why he was in this group at all; He had always seemed perfectly happy working with him. Preparing for being disappointed, Severus began to read. And then he read the comment again, thinking he must have misunderstood it, but no, Potter had actually written those words. Words such as “brilliant” and “clever”, which were not the reason Severus cheeks were burning. They were followed up by “attractive” and “handsome” and “kind of sexy”. Severus gasped and pushed the laptop shut. He had really not expected that. 

A knock on his door forced him to sort himself out and he called for the person to enter. Belatedly remembering that it would be Potter for their meeting. Harry entered, breathing hard as if he had just run a mile to get here. He glanced at the clock and winced a little, forcing out a “sorry” between gulping in deep breaths of air. Severus had been so focussed on Potter's appearance, that he did not even hear him at first. When he did notice that Potter had spoken, he felt his cheeks flush up again and thought they must match the lovely pink on Potter's face. Severus cleared his throat and motioned to the chair in front of his desk. “It is alright, please take a seat. I kept myself busy in the time.”


	31. Day 31: "Why didn't you tell me?"

Severus Snape had been ignoring Harry Potter, as much as was humanly possible with him being the headmaster and Potter being the new DADA professor, precisely so he could avoid this situation.

He had hired Potter a month before the new school year had started, partly because he knew Potter saw the castle as his home – something that Severus could relate to very well- and partly because, Severus admitted begrudgingly, Potter had been the most qualified applicant for the job. Minerva and Filius had been very happy to have Potter join them and the consensus in the student body was that they had lucked out; finally a handsome and respectable defence professor.

Severus had tried his best to be friendly, or at least not be unnecessarily mean, and for the first few months him and Potter had worked well together. Severs would even go as far as to describe what they had as a tentative friendship. But then Severus had to go and develop feelings for the man, very unwelcome feelings. Of course, Severus had expected to feel a physical attraction, he was not blind after all and he had read quite a few articles over Potter over the years, so he was not surprised that Potter was actually quite handsome. Had this attraction only remained physical, Severus would have had no problem keeping himself in check, but actual feelings complicated the matter and made things much harder to ignore. So, instead of ignoring his feelings, he made a show of ignoring Potter, he had no intention of frightening him off, should Harry find out about his feelings.

Nonetheless, it seemed the time had come. In a month the school year would be over and Potter had requested a meeting with him. Severus heard the gargoyles allowing entry to the stair case and a minute later there was a confident knock on his door. “Come in. Professor Potter, you wanted to speak to me.” Potter nodded as he took a seat in front of Severus' desk. Severus offered him a cup of tea and Potter accepted it, after rubbing his hands on his robes. 'He is uncomfortable. He must know then.'

“I am considering quitting my teaching position here.” Potter came straight to the point. Severus sighed, the only thing he could so now is keep his head held high and not let the feeling of rejection show on his face. He busied his hands, rearranging some paper on his desk and did not meet Potter's eyes when he replied. “Very well, I will need you to hand in a written request by-” But Harry interrupted him. “Really, you aren't even going to ask me why? Or look at me at least?” He had raised his voice and Severus' blood began to boil. How dare he come into Severus' office and try to embarrass him. “Mr. Potter, I assure you there is no need to rub salt in any wounds. I am sorry that my attentions have caused you as much discomfort that you feel the need to leave -” Severus stopped speaking as he took in Harry's gaping mouth. 

“Wh – I – what? Attentions?”, Potter stuttered and Severus felt himself blush. Had that not been the reason Harry wanted to leave? Was it possible that he had not noticed and that Severus had just given himself away for no reason? He could practically see the wheels turning in Potter's brain and with bated breath he awaited the outburst that would surely follow. Perhaps, he thought, he should have just asked why Potter wanted to leave. Maybe they would have been able to figure out a solution for his issues, but now he would definitely have to find a new defence professor, yet again. 

“Do you...” Potter was still having problems with vocalising his thoughts,a fact that Severus would have made fun of him fore had his own stomach not been tied up in knots. He wasn't sure if he could have managed an eloquent insult at this moment. “Are you trying to tell me you like me?” Potter was looking at him with wide eyes, as if the idea that Severus could feel much love for anyone was surprising to him.. Severus let out a huff, but made no other answer. His silence would have to be enough of a conformation, it would not do to feed Potter's ego even more (or rather hurt Severus' pride).

Whatever reaction Severus had anticipated from Harry, it was not breaking out in laughter. Potter was holding his stomach and laughing so hard that for a second Severus thought he might faint for lack of air. Severus' own mood soured even more. “I am glad that my feelings are a laughing stock to you.” Potter calmed down at that and rushed to reassure he misunderstood. “No, Severus, I'm sorry. It's just that you have been avoiding me all of those months and the whole time I had asked myself what I had done wrong. Whether I did anything to offend you. And now here we are, you revealing that you actually like me and me trying to quit because I could not stand you ignoring me any longer. Why did you tell me? It would have been nice to know my feelings were being reciprocated.” 

Now it was Severus turn to stare at Harry, his mouth hanging open. Had he really heard that correctly? Harry leaned forward and gently placed his hand over one of Severus'. “It seems we have both been idiots about this.” Severus felt his heart warm at the touch. If Harry was really telling the truth, and Severus was so far gone that he wished it so hard, he was even willing to risk this being a joke to Harry, they really had been incredibly stupid. He could feel his expression soften and his lips forming a small smile. “Complete and utter dunderheads, indeed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am actually quite sad that it's over. Snapetober has been so much fun and I wanna say a big thank you to everyone who has been reading these and especially those who left me some lovely comments. Thank you! <3


End file.
